"I am a terrible flyer and" ...
What do they mean refuel?
(All planes refuel somewhere)
I have never landed anywhere!
(Obviously only takes one way trips)
'I hear' that the runway is so short
(No its not, even a B767 landed there once - It took off too)
Whats best for nerves Diazepam or a pint of Peroni in departures?
(Buy some false nails and chew them)
Whats the best Mossie repellent?
(Staying in the UK)
'I hear' the buses are packed, and I cant stand confined spaces
(If you fly here, and use the bus to the terminal, its no worse than that)
Apparently there is a mob mentality at the bus stops
(Only the Brits queue for anything)
I waited two hours to get to town, not one bus stopped!
(Throttle back on the Jungle formula, you are taking the colour out of the bus seats)
'I hear' its full of young 'Larger' louts
(Actually they are drinking Greek Champagne - Must be Italians)
There are hundreds of young Greeks just walking up and down
(They are waiting for the clubs to open after you have stumbled home)
Can you tell me where to get cheap (Beer/Car Hire/Cocktail/three course meal and honeymoon table)
(In peak season - Nowhere)
Will I need a cardi?
(Only to look hip, and use as a bandana, its forty degrees)
What is the exchange rate in Skiathos, at the moment? Its lousy in the UK!
(What makes you think it will be better there, to unload your UK currency)
Can you tell me the price of Booze and fags in Duty Free? and whats in stock?
(Its a shop - Duty Free was abolished years ago)
"My friend is on the island, they just texted and said" ...
I paid for a five star and got this ...
(Its Greek five stars, like that on the brandy)
The taxi driver would not take my dollars/yen/last years turkish lira !
(Did he have 'mobile bureau of exchange' written on the side of his Mercedes?)
There were drunk people singing on the bus and shouting outside the hotel
(Its Thursday night, they go home tomorrow)
The queues at the airport are outrageous, making us stand outside in the heat!
(No other way to funnel thousands of people into the building, & through 'the scanner' into departures)
"Thanks you have put my mind at rest, I don't go for another seven weeks, cant wait to get back to paradise" ...